I awoke once more to the same dreary morning, devoid of the gentle touch of sunlight that used to greet my spirit. Instead, a chilling emptiness clung to the walls of my heart. When light finally pierced through the darkness, it merely illuminated the shadows that had nested within me. This realm—the world accompanying me in my despondency—became a stage where sighs and sorrows intertwined among neglected tears. Haunted by the memories of the past, I found myself compelled to remember her.
Her name was Rindang, a melody woven into the fabric of my existence. Her tender smile once brought a flicker of hope amid the shattered fragments of my fragile life. Together, we shared laughter and dreams, lulled into a blissful harmony of perfection. Yet, akin to a crumpled piece of paper, the hope I clung to was ripped away from my grasp. Rindang chose another—a stranger whose identity remained a mystery to me, marking the onset of my undoing.
“Nothing is more tragic than love; nothing more destructive than betrayal.” —the words of Nietzsche echoed like a painful reminder in my thoughts. That betrayal struck me hard, dismantling every fiber of my being down to its core. She left me adrift, abandoned. The warmth that once filled the space between us turned into a frigid void, akin to an unending night.
Words failed to capture the tumult of my feelings, instead forming a dark poem that danced upon my lips: “In this beautiful world, why am I cast into darkness?” That question flowed through my heart, buried in loss and engulfing emptiness. Did the world only grant joy to those courageous enough to forge ahead, or did it merely weave illusions for those who felt powerless?
Gradually, my heart sank into the abyss of despair. In my hopelessness, I sent a curse toward the world that spun around me. Who else, if not the world, could I hold responsible for its inability to understand me? This mindset birthed a desire for vengeance against the forces that defied and rejected me. This sorrow felt like a relentless river, eroding the insurmountable walls I had built around my hope.
“Everything becomes distorted and intangible. What is seen is merely shadow and illusion.” This phrase urged me to peer once again into the abyss.
Silence Became My Companion
The months that followed the separation turned silence into my closest ally. The voices around me became hollow—words spoken without comprehension. Their well-meaning reassurances only served to disturb me, like salt on my deepest wounds. “Just forget her. There are plenty of fish in the sea.” Frankly, for someone as lost as I felt, the ocean of choices meant nothing.
Every tick of the clock reminded me of my isolation, turning this universe into a mute backdrop—a silent film that drained my emotional essence. Everything faded; even my hope dimmed, slipping away like dust on the wind, unreachable.
What remained was the rhythm of my footsteps harmonizing with the swirling winds. “Why must I endure this anguish that gnaws at my soul?” In the cacophony of life, I felt like a ghost. Could anyone hear the silent screams echoing from my heart? There I stood, cornered in a battleground of thought and madness.
Before Me: The Abyss of Emptiness
In the depths of night, I found myself gazing into the abyss, the very chasm that called to me—demanding its due once more. “This abyss of solitude,” I mused, “besides dragging you deeper, offers nothing I could gain from this world.” Was this truly a choice, or simply fate that crushed me mercilessly?
As I spiraled into the depths of despair, dread transformed into a more sinister impulse—a desire for revenge, a quest for someone to divert my agony. “People may act cruelly, but they label me as powerless. What can I bring to this world?” The echo of my thoughts splintered with uncertainty.
On the brink of a bitter awakening, I felt phantom fingers tugging me away from the edge of the abyss. Outside, life unwound serenely as if untouched by grief, as though no one had ever experienced loss. Those who walked through life without sorrow danced joyfully beyond the confines of my reality. “No matter how many times I’ve heard it, this world will never suffer. Life is but an illusion,” I thought, steeped in cynicism.
A fire ignited within me—a yearning to force the world to acknowledge my pain. In my very soul, a hollow figure awaited to be filled—albeit with blood and regret. Reality seeped into my being, whispering temptations that lured me deeper into darkness.
Witnessing the Darkness
As I continued to peer into the abyss, I understood how its darkness consumed me like a whirlpool, dragging me into a world unknown. Rindang’s departure turned into a cruel irony; her memory gnawed at my soul with more potency than any wound could. Every night spent in silence, I stood poised at the abyss’s edge, binding myself with the hope that it might lead to salvation.
In that thick darkness, I pondered: “What do I seek in this void? Is there light beyond this tunnel?” Gazing deeper into the abyss, I witnessed a haunting vision of myself—lost and twisted within this reality, drowning in uncertainty.
Days turned to weeks, and as my gaze remained fixed on the abyss, Rindang’s shadow continually appeared. Her smile, etched in my mind, remained unattainable. Like a faint glimmer in a dark tunnel, her presence ignited both hope and challenged the hollow essence within me. Why should I cling to her memory when everything had changed? The very notion that my existence had grown empty mirrored the countless souls trapped in darkness.
With hesitant steps, I approached the precipice. “This world cares none, and I have lost the will to survive. If this continues, shall I get lost forever?” I carved bitter memories as I descended further into the quagmire of time.
Every tentative glance into the void foreshadowed doom, as despair nestled tightly in my chest. Ultimately, I stood at the brink of an irreversible choice: to succumb to death within this emptiness or leap into the abyss.
I perished within a wasteland that harbored a soul who wavered like a flickering flame. My eyelids shut, yet my spirit screamed. It was only in this desolation that I unleashed my fury upon the world, “God, if you’re listening, know this—this world is not mine. It has taken everything that was once mine.”
The Abyss without End
Staring into the depths of my existence, I embraced the emptiness that had overshadowed my life. It lay before me like an endless stretch, revealing no clear path. All my efforts to grasp solidity seemed futile, pulling me back into this haunting swirl. “In this final moment of existence, my soul shall find no solace.” During the time that remained, I was tormented by an interminable wait, descending further into desolation.
This emptiness eradicated the last vestiges of light, and now I merely existed as a character wandering in shadows. “If the world cannot comprehend my struggles, then I shall welcome my fate in silence.” Is there hope for an escape from this condition? The internal screams echoed with futility; ultimately, we would all be cast into darkness.
“In the final moment of mortality, when this powerless soul lies still, I shall take the last step. Not to vanish completely, but to demonstrate that my life was rendered meaningless, akin to a flower wilting by the roadside.”
This abyss is a realm cloaked in lightlessness. I fell, while the universe continued unbothered, oblivious to the despair surrounding me. Thus, this winding journey reaches its conclusion—within my very being, there remains nothing left to explore.
